Picadilly

15 June 2016

Things people don’t tell you about being pregnant

I have to put a disclaimer down with this blog post. I have had an extremely easy and very low risk pregnancy – I am that pregnant person that everyone hates. I have had no morning/ night/ afternoon/ all day sickness, no food aversions and very few waves of nausea. In fact, my nausea could be overcome with one or two deep breaths.

That said, there were some unexpected things that no one told me about…

There is that one symptom that will make you think, “I can’t do this”: Mine was the constipation. The inability to poop – yes, pregnancy is very glamorous. The cramping was so unbearable that I would find myself curled up on the bathroom floor, cursing and swearing that I would never do it again – ever! I recall messaging a friend, “why didn’t you tell me!”, only for her to respond, “Hahaha, I don’t even remember that part”. The scary part? She was right – you forget.

Pregnancy hormones are real: I thought that the whole preggy-hormone thing was a bit of a myth, until I lost it with my husband. There have been a handful of times where hubby and I would get into a little disagreement and, out of nowhere, something would take over my body, and the small tiff would turn into something resembling an atomic bomb going off. All the while in the back of my mind there a logical-part is screaming “shut up, you are going to say something you regret! Shut up, it’s just hormones”.  I now have an arrangement with my husband, when I say “walk away” – he walks away. It is a cue to him that the pregnant-witch is about to come out and his darling, logical, wife is about to disappear.

Feeling your baby move: “It is magical, there is no better feeling”, we all hear that part. The part no one tells you about is that it is weird. Yes, downright, plain, weird – freaky even. The first time I felt our daughter move I thought it was my clothes rubbing against my skin – it tickled, so I scratched and readjusted my clothes. Her movements have now progressed to feel more like a muscle-twitch – it’s even freakier. If you were born prior to 1990, think Alien (the movie) – there is something inside of you that wants to come out.

There will come a day when you can’t get your shoes on – and it will be earlier than you anticipate: Mine came around 27 weeks. Out of the blue one morning, as I bent down to put my shoes on, it was just so uncomfortable, I couldn’t do it. My husband had to put my shoes on. Things have been getting increasingly uncomfortable since then.

Your baby is protected by fat, skin, organs and amniotic fluid, take a chill pill: Part of my job is event management. This means carrying stuff, moving tables and chairs around, and being on my feet for long periods. I had people telling me I shouldn’t pick up banners and need to sit, which made me extremely paranoid. Eventually, thanks to some friends, I realised that I am pregnant not dying, and that our little one is happily incubating underneath fat, skin and organs, and in amniotic fluid – she is well protected. This doesn’t mean throw caution to the wind, but rather for you to trust your instinct and rely on your gut regarding your capabilities. Also, AND VERY IMPORANT, I have had a low risk pregnancy – talk to your doctor/mid-wife if you are concerned.

You will have amazing skin – or you’ll look like a 13-year-old version of you: I look like a teenager. In fact, I can’t recall my skin being this spotty when I was 13-years-old. I have read apps, books, blogs and articles on how to improve my skin and have tried every remedy recommended by Google – nada.

Pregnancy symptoms are not “timing” related: You will read about what symptom to except during which timeframe. Read it, take note and throw the timing part out the window. My skin problem has persisted throughout my pregnancy. That and the fatigue. People said that I will have a burst of energy in my second trimester, I am now at the start of my third trimester and ready to go to bed till this kid comes out.

The pregnancy glow – you might have it, but you won’t feel it: People will tell you how you are glowing and how gorgeous you look, but you might not actually feel it. You will feel bloated, tired, uncomfortable, and irritated – everything but “glowing”.

You can keep on moving: I joined a fitness studio about a year before falling pregnant and have carried on training throughout my pregnancy (and plan to do so till I give birth and beyond). This has helped greatly with the fatigue, stress-levels (especially as I can’t drink wine) and general feel-good levels. Again, PLEASE NOTE, I didn’t fall pregnant and then decided to start exercising, I was exercising beforehand, so my body was use to it. I also exercise at a studio where I have qualified trainers ensuring that I exercise correctly, and that baby and I are safe.

Everyone wants to talk pregnancy: I walked into a training session last week and one of the attendees’ asked me how far along I was in my pregnancy, I politely answered, and then spent the next 10 minutes having to listen to when his wife was pregnant. He showed no signs of moving along so I had to rudely interrupt for the sake of the other attendees. It happens – a lot. People tend to think it is all you want to talk about.

You become a belly: No more how are you doing – it becomes how is the baby. People don’t hug you, they pat the belly. You are no longer a person, you are a belly. I am fine, thank you for asking.

Belly grabbing: Now this hasn’t happened to me, touch wood. The only people who have touched/hugged my belly have been friends and family. I think it’s because I have the “touch me and you die” look [so not complaining], but most people warn you – expect the belly grabbers to grab. Random people, who you have never met, let alone seen, will invade your personal space and touch you, pat you, smack on the belly.

Things people say when you are pregnant – and it is just annoying!

The prophecy of doom: “Your life will never be the same again” – you hear it – a lot! Most people will say this with complete love and awe in their voices, but then there are those who say it like they are delivering the prophecy of doom. There have been a few times where I had to prevent myself from asking, “so then why did you have children?”

You just wait till your little one is born: The biggest problem I have with this statement is that it is often said in a condescending way, like I am a brainless twit. I agree, you have no clue what a situation is like until you are in it, but you also don’t need to put your hand on a hot stove just to console someone who accidently burned themselves.

You don’t understand tired until you have had a newborn: Like my current state of tired means absolutely nothing? I believe there are different kinds of tired. For example, there is the stressed-kind, the ‘I partied too hard’ kind, the newborn kind, etc. Some tired you can handle, some you can’t. I would imagine that you are absolutely exhausted as a new parent, but surely when that little face looks up at you cooing and smiling, the tiredness must be all worth it? And if you really want to start comparing, you have no clue what depressed-tired feels like. Put that in your pipe and empathise with the different kinds of tired.

Enjoy {insert your favourite activity} while you can because you will have to give it up: Why? Just, why? Why must my husband stop playing soccer (once a week) or bowls (on the odd occasion)? Why will I have to stop going to gym? Sure, it will take us some time to adjust to a new little person in the house, but I see no reason why we should give up our favourite activities indefinitely – and don’t give me the “you just wait…” crap. Reality is that as parents we actually need to put our wellbeing first. If our needs and wellbeing are not taken care of, how can we be expected to take care of someone else’s? Just think about it.

Just wait till your baby is born, your cats will no longer matter: These people I want to slap in the face with a chair. I am not ignorant, I am fully aware of the fact that having a two-legged, non-furry, baby demands more of your time, but neglect the kittens completely? Not in a million years! My husband and I have spoken about the integration at length, and we will do our best to make the transition for our kittens as easy as possible. After all, they were there first – and will forever be our fur-babies.

I can’t see you as a {insert gender here} mom: Huh? Say what? Firstly, what does a “boy mom” look like? Secondly, I get there is a difference between boys and girls, but we are raising adults and to my knowledge, boy or girl, you need to teach your child the same principles.

And the last, but certainly not least, another gender comment…

You better be having a {insert gender preference here}: When we found out we were pregnant I had this idea that we would do a gender revealing with all of our loved ones. Then it started, “oh, I hope you have a {insert gender} / we need a {insert gender} in the group / we really want a {insert gender} / you better be having a {insert gender}”. Say what?! So if our HEALTHY, HAPPY, bouncy, baby has a penis, he will mean less in your life? The gender revealing idea went out the window quite quickly and I was left in a state of hormonal tears most of the time, captured by fear that my baby won’t be loved as much or, that somehow, I would’ve failed cause my baby is not a specific gender. 

About the scribbler

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Lover of cats, books and red wine. Wife and mom-to-be.

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