An unwanted trip down memory lane

I read a heart-breaking article this morning about a 12-year-old girl who committed suicide – all because the 'cool group' saw her as fat and ugly. This brought back a rush of memories from my own school years, memories that still sting 14 years after leaving school…

I can’t remember much about my earlier years in Primary School, but I do recall wanting to be a part of a group of girls, the cool group, and them voting no on me joining the elite. At that point the school library became my haven – I lost myself in between the pages of whatever book I could find. In my last year in Primary School I was put in charge of the library, I think Head Library Prefect would be the correct translation. I was told by my peers that the only reason why I had the title was because I was sucking up to the teacher. No dears, the reason why I had the title is because you banned me from your group, because you were the Wolf Pack.

Eventually I entered High School, with high hopes that I could leave my lone wolf status behind me, but things proved to be more challenging that anticipated.

My first year I was bullied so badly that my mother had to intervene. The bullies, being ‘sport heroes’ of our grade, nearly got away with it and it was only after I threatened the principle with my mother, that he actually reacted. You see, my mom has piercing blue-eyes that, when angry, would make Lord Voldemort quiver with fear.

I found myself floating from group to group and eventually settled down into a group halfway through High School. This is it, I thought. Friends. Belonging. Acceptance. BFFs 4 life. When you are a teenager that is all you want.

It was only in my last year in High School that I found out that my “friends” were getting together over weekends – and I was never invited.  

I’ve been told that my school experience sharpen and made me the person that I am today – sure, but it doesn’t take away the sting, even years later, so imagine what it felt like at 12.

Today, at the age of 30-something, life is very different. 

They say that as you get older your friends become fewer, this isn’t so, my friends have expanded and I can honestly say that I can pick up the phone, at any time, and phone any of them and they will be there. No 'but', 'maybes' or any questions asked. They are not fly-by-nights, nor friends from school. They are my friends, the true kind. Heck, 14 years later I even belong to a Wolf Pack. ;-)

My message is this, don’t lose hope. School isn’t forever (even though it feels like it), hang in there and walk out with your head held high cause you survived.

Teachers open your eyes, take notice. You see these children every day, act. Parents talk to your children, open the lines of communication, teach your child compassion. 

Bullying isn't just a child hitting others or being verbally abusive. It is a  real or perceived power imbalance. It is subtle. It is hurtful. 

The famous five

In school I was the unpopular kid. For most of my primary school years I tried fitting into the popular crowd, I just didn’t fit. As a result, I spent most of my time in the school library. In high school I didn’t know there was a library, until around Grade 10 (or Standard 8), so I was forced to try and fit in. I went from group to group, never quite fitting in and conforming to the group’s standards and opinions.

All that has changed.

Looking at my life now, I must confess I am truly blessed. They say that you can count your true friends on one hand, well, I need both my hands –and some toes too.

In this blog I would like to single out the “famous five” – in order birthdays, or turning 30 in 2013;

The mother hen. Your mom never lies to you and never sugarcoats anything, at least mine never has, – that is Mish. If you want the truth as it is, go to Mish. She will tell you if you have a foot to stand on, if you are being unreasonable or if you need to start building a bridge. No sugar, no sprinkles – straightforward, while passing you a glass of wine. Mish is also the first person to check up on you if you have flu or if you simply feel like life is getting a bit too much. Warm and compassionate, but know that an ace is an ace and a spade a spade.

The creative. Sheri can put paint to canvas, make words come alive or pair pieces of clothing that will make it look like you have a new outfit for every day of the year. A colourful person who doesn’t have even a speck of beige in her personality. If I could summarise Sheri it would be, “keep writing, keep dreaming and always believe. If all else fails, wine o’clock is always a phone call away.”

The princess. If ever there was someone destined to be a royalty it is Cath – Catherine to you, Cath to her friends, but never Cathy. Having Cath as a friend is a bit like having the perfect little  black dress in your wardrobe – timeless. Dress it up or down, you know it is the perfect outfit for every occasion. Cath is a timeless beauty, inside-out, there for a good giggle or a shoulder to lean on. She will hand you your next glass of wine or tissue – all depending on what you need.

The crazy ballerina. I will never forget meeting Kerri for the first time. There she stood in her perfectly ironed corporate outfit, looked at me and did this little twirly dance (on her toes), followed by a curtsy. She made me laugh – and still does every time I see her. She is a ray of sunshine. Also worth a mention, Kerri can do the Gangnam Style, glass of wine in hand, with such perfection, that will it look like Psy went for dance lessons with her – plus she makes it look super stylish!

Then there is me, the odd one. Not the odd one out, just the odd one. I have my own style and like fashion, but don’t get spending thousands on an item just because it is labelled with Ted-what’s-his-face’s name (personally I would rather spend that money in a second hand bookstore). I love metal and hard rock, but don’t conform to just wearing black. I havenever seen  the film The Notebook, but I have seen every Quentin Tarantino film ever made. I like snuggling with a book and cuppa tea, but I love getting together with my girls and giggling over a glass of wine.

That is the famous five. 

We often wonder how we became friends and how we manage to stay friends. I think the secret lies in that we respect each other’s differences, we value the friendship and contribution we make to each other’s lives, we are there for each other (for better or worse) and we make each other laugh (out loud), while passing around the next bottle of wine.