I should’ve listened to my mom – and a little lesson I learned

I have been struggling with my lower-back since last year October, in short my muscles went into spasm and wouldn’t loosen up. I have gone through some drastic measures to get it sorted, including physio, acupuncture, biokinetics and cortisone injections. I didn’t see the spasm for what it really was – my body’s way of saying “hey, hold up, take it easy, slow down”.

I woke up one morning so tired that I would’ve sold my soul to the devil for an extra hour’s sleep. The type of tired that I felt is something that you have no clue about, unless you have been there. Felt it.

I started going through the motions of life, simply because I had to. I had to work, so work I did. I had to study, so study I did (how much I actually took in is debatable). Going out with friends required brushing my hair and getting dressed, a thought far too exhausting so cancelling was easier.

One night when I was driving home a robot turned red, like robots do. The mere thought of a minute’s delay to get home was simply too much, so I bursted into tears. It was at this point that I realised I had burned myself out and carrying on, pushing, was simply no longer an option.

I went to see my soul coach (or, what most people will call, counsellor – though her role in my life far exceeds the way you’d define “counsellor”). It amazes me what you can achieve through constellation work (healing on a soul level). It was during this session that I learned a lesson which I will hold near and dear to my heart for the rest of this life;

Honour your journey, trust the path that you are on. Respect who you are right here and now. There is absolutely no need to rush anything – where you are is perfect. What is meant to be, will be. 

Between all the medical treatments, it was the treating of the soul that did the world of good. I woke up yesterday morning, for the first time in months, feeling like I could conquer the world, instead of hiding from it.

That said, the one “medical” treatment that I did see value in was going to a biokineticist. In my last session she indicated that we’ll be doing some posture work. The one exercise involves pulling back your shoulders, the aim is to straighten your shoulders and, as a result, your back. It was at this point that I realised I wished I had listened to my mom when I was younger, she always told me “skouers terug en rug regop”, which roughly translates to “shoulders back and keep your back straight”. I had to laugh, it turns out that mom does know best. 

The crumpling of New Year’s resolutions

I hate New Year’s resolutions – and hardly ever make them. At some point last year I made a before 2012 end’s resolution, it was quite simple, or so I thought. My year-end resolution was to be able to run 5km. I bought myself running shoes, reflective clothing and a cap. In check was my fully loaded iPod, a Run 5km in 5 Weeks programme and plenty of weeks left to do it in. I was quite looking forward to trotting along the beachside when we went to Durban for Christmas.

What I didn’t bargain on was the illnesses of an *almost* 30-year-old creeping up on me, about 11 months in advance. I have since been told that in your near 30s your back gives in (check), in your 40s your knees and in your 50s your mind. By 60 you don’t care what else goes because it is your mind you miss the most. Back to the resolutions…

As 2013 approached I decided to do the New Year’s resolutions thing. Small, simple and achievable goals (in no particular order);

1. Do my first 5km road run – preferably before Winter.
2. Read more – or at least finish my sparkling new Games of Thrones box set.
3. Spend more time with friends. Last year, due to being a part-time student, some of my favourite people were seriously neglected.
4. Pass seven subjects.
5.  Spend more quality time with bf.

The new year hadn’t even started when my well-intended resolutions started crumbling.

In early January – after a Voltaren injection, two Cortisone injections, chronic medication (or so I was told) and one, still need to happen, neurosurgeon appointment – I realised that my dream to run 5km has to be put on hold. In fact – all training has been put on hold, until such time that I know what is wrong with my lower back and what I can and cannot do (to prevent further injury).

Now the crumpling of resolutions 2 and 3 are as a result of resolution 4. I have registered for four subjects in this semester and, after assessing the workload, I realised that most of my spare time will be dedicated to studying.

In my own stubborn and dedicated way I do try and stick to resolution 2 and 3. I try and read for five minutes every night, normally while brushing teeth (it’s a skill I mastered as a child), and I’ve accounted for special events with friends in my study schedule – my iCal app is by far the most overused app on my devices – everything goes in there.

So far the only resolutions that seem to be doing ok are 4 and 5. To date I have managed to stick to my study schedule. I keep myself going by reminding myself that the faster I complete my subjects and get my BA, the quicker I can get back to this thing called a life. Bf and I are doing our best with this quality business – we now eat at the table and talk instead of in front of the TV. Plus, there are special times in my iCal entitled “Date Night”, in two cases “Date Day”.

I suppose the lesson is this – even the simplest of goals require work. Get off your butt and work on it. It reminds me of why I value reading and am desperate to hit the road; 

"The keys to life are running and reading. When you're running, there's a little person that talks to you and says, "Oh I'm tired. My lung's about to pop. I'm so hurt. There's no way I can possibly continue." You want to quit.

If you learn how to defeat that person when you're running, you will learn not to quit when things get hard in your life.

For reading, there have been gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There's no new problem you could have – with your parents, with school, with a bully. There's no new problem that someone hasn't already had, and written about it in a book," – Will Smith.  

12 weeks became a lifetime commitment

Today, 12 weeks ago, I embarked on the USN 12-Week Challenge. While there has been some body transformation – no hard work goes unpaid – the most important factor in this journey was the lessons I learned, and the lessons are what I’d like to share.

Lesson 1: Make it a lifestyle change
For 28 years I pretty much ate what I please as a result I picked up a few kilos, some body fat and bad eating habits. Changing this meant changing my lifestyle – a permanent, for life change, forever. Get it? Sorry, but you’ll be surprised how many people fail to understand the concept of ‘lifestyle change’. 

Lesson 2: Eat to be healthy, not thin.
There are two things my mom taught me about diet and exercise. Firstly, there is no such thing as a quick fix, it takes hard work, time and dedication, and secondly, dieting is bad for you.

Having kept in mind that yo-yo dieting is bad for you and this is a lifetime journey, I opted for a low GI diet because it doesn’t cut out any food, instead, it teach you to make the healthier choice. For example, replace potato with sweet potato, choose rye bread over white bread, cut the fat off your meat, opt for the durum wheat pasta and reach for the cinnamon or honey to replace sugar. Portion control is also very important. 

In the 12 weeks the eating has become a habit. There are still a few hic-ups, which will come right with time. Look at the ratio 28 years vs 12 weeks, it takes time. 

Whichever diet you choose, research, research, research! And then ask yourself, can you do it for life? If the answer is yes, then dive in head first. It also helps to go see a nutritionist/dietitian – they are the experts after all.

Lesson 3: Get off your butt and get moving.

In the last four years I’ve gone to gym on and off, more off than on. I now go regularly, something I’ve always wanted to achieve, and I love it.

I love the sweat, the achy-muscles and, especially, the ‘hey, I am stronger’ reaction. There is nothing more satisfying that hitting a spinning class and really pushing it, realising that your intensity level is higher than it was yesterday – and you are still going!  

It is important to know how to do the exercises correctly, have a training programme and know when to make adjustments. You can’t walk blindly into gym and by some small miracle hope to achieve something – walk in with a goal. 

Here you can go either one of two ways – go see a personal trainer or empower yourself to set the training programme and make the adjustments. There are loads of information and advice out there. My favourite is a blog called Gym Rats Sweat and Sacrifice, Fitness Magazine and the USN website. And, obviously, www.google.com. Google is your friend. 

Another benefit is that exercising helps me shift my mind from work to my studies. Sitting down at night has become a little easier because I have the energy.

Lesson 4: Willpower is like a muscle – work it!

Be determined. Put your mind to it and do it! When I feel like I can’t anymore I push for that one extra rep, that one extra minute. In fact, I often put the level up a bit, just to prove to myself that I can.

Lesson 5: Support.
Support is like a push-up bra, it gives you a lift when you need one. My mom, from when I first had the idea, had her pom-poms out, and bf cooks at night and takes care of the kittens so I can hit the gym after work. It’s the small gestures of support that makes any journey easier. Now we get to the two lessons why I decided after 10 weeks to stop using the USN Phedra-Cut and CLA.

Lesson 6: Focus on the task at hand.
I noticed one night during spinning that I clock watch and my focus is on the pile of studying I need to get through, the to-do list on my desk at work and the to-do list of being an adult – bills, washing, deworming tablets for the kittens etc.

During exercising I stress about other stuff rather that focusing on the muscles I am working. As a result I release a stress hormone, which pretty much cancels out the fat burning hormone (at least that was the way it was explained to me). I am working at changing the behaviour by listening to classical music or symphonic metal en route to gym and doing some breathing exercises. Once I manage to succeed in that, hopefully some more body fat will melt away and the muscles, which I know is there, show more.

Stress is an ugly thing, so when you are a gym focus at exercising – de-stress rather than stress more.

Lesson 7: Getting in the zzz’s is important.

There is an old saying, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”. Yea, your body doesn’t work that way. An adult should be getting seven to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep a day.

My first priority is my BA and as a part-time student there is very little I can do about the lack sleep. But yes, sleep is important to burn the fat, recover the muscles and speed up the metabolism.

So where to from here?

I have adjusted my training programme to include more cardio (hopefully bringing down the body fat more) and I am sticking to my low GI diet and working on those eating behaviour hic-ups. Enough to maintain my weight. My goal, after all, is to complete this semester successfully.

After exams I will be doing the USN 12-Week Challenge again. I will then have more time, be able to focus better and sleep more.

As I said in the beginning, there is no such thing as a quick fix, this is a lifetime journey - and I look forward to another 12 weeks of life changing.  
 

The results:
Kilos dropped: 7.4kg
Body fat lost: 7.65%
Dress size: From an uncomfortable size 34, boarder-line 36, to a very comfy 34.

Lessons learned from a man named Robert

A friend once told me that people come into your life for reasons, seasons or a lifetime. It amazes me that some lessons can come from the most untraditional source, someone who is briefly in your life. For me, it is a man named Robert. 

Never judge a book by its cover. It is an old lesson I try and live my life by, especially after meeting Robert. His life story, passion, humour and confidence in who he, quickly taught me that there is so much more to a person than the exterior.

It’s not what you are, it’s about who you are. This lesson combines with the one above. Who you are is what is inside of you – your gender, race, hair colour and eye colour doesn’t matter. What matters is who you are. 

Fairy tales happen. Robert and his wife’s love, and like of each other, blossomed from friendship, through one of the biggest transformations a man could go through. Real life fairy tales are when your partner knows your past, goes through your present with you and is willing to be there in your future. 

There is a difference between love and like. This was probably one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. I remember Robert asking me once if I like my boyfriend, my immediate reaction was “I love him”. It was only when I found myself in a situation where I truly loved someone, but no longer liked them, that Robert’s words came flooding back to me – “you can love someone with your whole heart, but do you like the person?”

Know who you are. This lesson inspired the blog entry you are reading now. A few years ago Robert signed my copy of “Trans”, his life story appears in the book. At the time I looked at the message and though, “how odd, what is that suppose to mean?” A few days ago I picked up the book and read the message again, I now get it;

And to answer Robert’s question from back then, no, “Foxy” was never a part of my identity.

It is a message from a man named Robert that made me realise I know who I am – the good and the bad – I know.